Reentering The Atmosphere

Growing up myself, I was never considered the studious type. In fact, I probably spent most of my time studying on how to get around school and school work, living with the mantra of D’s get degrees. What I wouldn’t do now, to have held a little more interest in school, at least to where I would’ve pursued it during early adulthood. Though I must admit, should I have continued my education, I probably still would have had that same Mantra in mind.

I only think of this, as I wonder how my kid will act, and what course of actions I will take to ensure that he gets his highest marks, and hopefully better then D’s. I already see him following down my path in that sense. He is starting his second year of preschool, and with that follows less time at daycare. With the change in schedule, he is less willing to follow the format at daycare, such as nap time. I don’t really blame him, I hated nap time. No rest for the wicked I guess…

So as we continue to progress through these stages, and carry on through this transition of daycare and school, I question myself more and more. What should I do, and how should I react when he gets a frown marked on his note for how the day went. Do I nip it in the bud, and hold stern with the

Do as I Say, Not as I Did

or do I coddle him and talk it out as if he were an adult who fully comprehends conversation? Obviously it all depends on how severe and repetitive his actions are. Nonetheless it has me at a crossroads. Being here, feeling like I have to decide which type of response I will take in general. I believe a regimental response to a degree is most effective, yet some form of variation is needed as I know my reaction to a repetitious consequence eventually became dull and acceptable.

Then I think back to what a cousin told me about what he expects from his kids. He said,

“All I ask out of my kids is that they follow seven out of ten Commandents, and that one of em has to be Honor Thy Father and Mother!”

Mostly he was just inebriated and being comical, but there is a ton of truth to his humor. If you think about it, you can’t really break one with out it overlapping into another. I’m sure if you “study” them you can, but who really has time for that, unless you’re a Theology major or in seminary. But basically I think that this 7 out of 10 business is on point. Especially with the clause in there about following #4…

Guy walks into the doctors office and says “Doc it hurts when I do This”. Doctor says “Don’t do This”.

So the other night I was out to dinner with a Friend who’s mom was in town. My friend and I have an eerily similar story as far as how we’ve both ended up in the same city we now call home, and are both what I would label us as bachelor/single dads or in a more modern sense, as a Dylf.

Anyhow, as I mentioned in an earlier post, kids can get out of hand. Low and behold, our dinner was quickly becoming one of those instances. I’d like to preface that most times I don’t mind the trouble as I have no problem inexorably sparing the rod when my son’s actions justify that type of reaction. The funny thing about it is that the mere presence of others when this takes place seems to be more effective then the actual swat across the hand or butt as he cant stand the embarrassment. Anyhow, back to my Friends mom who happens to be a psychologist. Over dinner, she was explaining to us the basic concept of Logical Consequence, and how effective it is in child rearing. This may have been the very reason that our kids were acting up in the first place. No kid ever wants to sit and listen to boring adult conversation, especially when they want to be the center of attention. So basically, just like that cigarette lighter in your auto is hot, don’t touch it or you’ll get burned (directed to The Gov). The same thing applies to a disobedient child. “Sit down and shut up, or get your ass whipped”, or whatever Consequence you the parent/guardian/caretaker deem reasonable and/or necessary. Sounds basic enough, and it is. I don’t understand why this isn’t common sense for some people.

Now as far as this Logical Consequence business goes, one site I read regularly, babble.com, runs a column titled “3 Most Common Mistakes” where they take various topics anywhere from food to behavior, and enlist yet another expert, who had this to say. He believes that being the disciplinarian is often associated as being mean, hence any hesitation in sternness while in public. I’ve never really been too worried about looking “mean” in front of onlookers not minding their own business. In fact I hope I do give off that appearance to both my kid (when he hears that bass in my voice) and gawkers alike.. The expert also reiterates that you have to follow through with warnings, and to not make absurd threats that can never be met. But the one thing he says that I really like, for those moments that we as parents question ourselves if we’re being too strict or too lackluster, is that you just need to ask yourself if you’re embarrassed or not when a situation arises in front of people with whom you care about their opinion. If yes, then action is needed, and if not, then all is well.

All in all, even though kids don’t come with a manual when that stork arrives, but through 2 cent blogs like these and a little Logic, everything should fall into place…

Now Snakes and Sparklers aren’t the only ones I like, but that doesn’t mean that those cant be fun. Or at least the latter. First of all, Snakes are really only fun for kids that can light their own fireworks, and people like this. This will be my kids’ first 4th that we’ll actually be lighting off our own fireworks instead of going somewhere to watch them, and I am sure that he will love the Snakes to the point it becomes an annoying displeasure as he screams “Do it again Daddy”, as he does every time we do something new and exciting and he overcomes any initial fear or anticipation. He’ll also be stoked for his Sparklers I’m sure, and probably a bit pissed as I doubt I will let him do that many as I don’t want him to loose any of his digits just yet. Sure he knows how to count to ten, but until he reaches 20, he needs em all. So despite Snakes and Sparklers being all that Kicking Wing really likes, and Joe just wanting a little bang for his buck, Joe don’t know what I know.

A few years ago I was on a road trip, and I have this horrible habit of buying senseless shit such as lighters and gadgets and whatever other junk that never really sold on the Home Shopping Network or late nite infomercials, but somehow becomes a hot item at Truck Stops everywhere across Merica. Anyhow, on this one particular trip, I happened to stop at one that not only had all the above mentioned, but an actual firework outlet too. Well, it seems that its really hard to find the stuff that really goes *BOOM* any longer unless you know some hick that has a cousin or sister wife who’s brother in law makes his own fulminant. However on this particular day I had someone better. Two thirteen year olds working for less than minimum wage in cash and free product Im sure. While bumbling around trying to find what exactly will make the loudest percussion, I asked them for some assistance. Im a big fan of those waxed fuses that you can throw in water and wont extinguish itself, resulting in a little good vibration. The two hooligans directed me to some M-40’s that met all the prerequisites save for the end result of possible minor destruction. They said it was all they had when I redundantly asked them for something better. Then plain as day with the straightest of faces they looked at eachother and then at me and suggested that I just make a Sparkler Bomb??? if I wanted that type of excitement… Well, they looked at me like I just got off the first raft from Cuba when I inquired what exactly that was. They proceeded to tell me and I qoute, “first ya need a shit ton of sparklers and some duct duck tape. ya take em all and make a big circle out of em, leaving the one in the center stickin out about half way. then ya take the duct duck tape and wrap it all the way round it from top to bottom real tite” and there ya go, you have a Sparkler Bomb!

Of course when making a Sparkler Bomb or any other incendiary or explosive device, or even just settling for whatever your local stand sells you at a 3k% markup, please be safe. If you’re not exactly sure of all the safety requirements or lack Common Sense, then please follow these guidelinesby the TFA (The Fireworks Alliance). I really like how article 2 mentions Sparklers directly.

All in all, enjoy your Hoosker Do’s or Hoosker Don’ts, and we’ll be back sometime next week, Hopefully…

One of the great milestones that a parent and child have is when you teach your kid to ride a bike. So last August I bought my 3 y/o a Strider bike. I cant remember exactly how I found the Strider. A friend had told me about some sort of front loaded seat,

and through my research I ended up finding the pedal free bikes. Though, not to get off course, we did end up getting an ibert, and it was great. Only qualms is that he quickly outgrew it after a summer and spring, and we had to go with the typical rear mounted seat. Also, maybe it was my choice of a cheap garage sale bike, but pedaling with the ibert sucked as I had to pedal bow legged. If you live in a city full of hills as I do, it can be a pain in the ass. Other then that, the ibert is a great first seat to buy for you and your child to get around via the excitement of a bicycle. Also the ibert is great for you Neurotic first time parents, as you will have your precious cargo in front of you and will be able to ride safely instead of constantly turning around every time your kid makes a noise, not keeping your eyes on the road as you should.

OK, this review is not on seats that attach to your bike, but the great wonder of the pedalless bike. The theory is simple, these bikes are supposed to teach balance. As I mentioned earlier I went with the Strider. However, I suggest that you do your own research, and get the one you like best. There were three that I found. LikeaBike, Strider, and some model by Specialized that I can’t remember the name of right now. Though I am sure there are more, those were the three that I found at local shops and online. The LikeaBike is pretty neat, but very Euro. They come in both aluminum and wooden (?), and were all 250$ plus, which is a little more then my proletariat ass is willing to spend. The Specialized was by far the coolest looking and seemed the most sturdy and/or durable. It also had a cool design of skull and crossbones and pirate ships. But alas, in my opinion durability doesn’t mean a whole hell of a lot to me, when I am pretty sure that there is not much damage that a typical 30 to 40 pounder can really do to it when properly used, and function over fashion is always key. So for about $25 less and not as a cool paint job (or colorway’s as bsnyc likes to call them), I went with the orange Strider. Also, one feature that I was particularly impressed with on the Strider over the rest of the field, was that there was an area for the rider to put their feet up on. Now this function is only useful while going down a slight decline, maintaining speed, and if your kid has good control and isnt always looking back to make sure you see em, but nonetheless, the foot rest alone separates the Strider from the rest.

So far we’re on our second summer and about 4 more inches up on the seat post. By the end of this summer, the Strider should have paid off in the dividends somewhere between being able to skip the whole training wheel phase, and our first visit to the emergency room for some stitches at least. Also, I will definitely give this bike full props if my back doesn’t ache as much as I project from having to hunch over holding on and pushing from behind when we do make the transition to an actual bicycle. Stay tuned for a “part deux” of the bike review when we learn to pedal, probably sometime around mid September or earlier cause my kid is just that good….

While wasting time at work today I found an article that talks about When?, if any, is there a time to interfere with a Parent and a negative interaction between them and their child/ren. We’ve all seen it, breeders and non alike…The screaming kid in the grocery store, the two siblings fighting with each other while the parent stands by idly, and so on… I know that I have had my fair share of my kid freaking out at the store every time we pass the yogurt section (though I try and excuse his yogurt addiction cause it has to be the reason he rarely gets sick, (kc’s not cultured my ass)) to the point that the sounds are reminiscent of mid-evil torture if he doesnt get all the different Scooby Doo rogurts or Dora gogurts that he wants!

Though I am not completely sure how I would react if some one stepped in on me while having a moment, for the lack of a better term, as I have never had anyone do that to us during a “moment”. Yet there was an excerpt in the article that I did appreciate, something to think about if you ever find yourself on either side of the line:

“The article describes an encounter that Donald Gault, who helped found the project, had with a fidgeting boy and his screaming Mom in the checkout line of the supermarket: “It was definitely escalating,” recalled Gault, who was in line in front of the mother and child. “So, I turned and looked her in the eye, and I said, ‘I think it makes it really hard the way stores put all the candy up here where you can’t avoid it. It looks like you have your hands full. Would you mind if I took your 5-year-old and he helped me bag my groceries?’ ” Among the things not to do? “Don’t give the parent a disapproving stare or confront them directly,” the article suggests.”

I do think that response is very sensible, and I can see how that would be a great alternative to calm the situation instead of enrage the parent, as I know I might not react so well to a stranger advising me on mine. I also think that may appear a little weird…

As the first day of Summer officially arrived, and on Fathers Day no less, I am inclined to share a few thoughts… No, none on senseless Hallmark Holidays that shamelessly tell us when and who to appreciate only to force us sheeple to consume more. Though, Kansas City is home to Hallmark and its Hyatt Regency Crown Center, and Ive always been a big proponent of supporting local businesses. O.k., enough of that, I’ll keep that for CL’s RnR.

No, what I have to talk about is a lot more disturbing… Like many others I too have suffered that indignity as the result of an impromptu cool off session at a neighborhood spray ground, fountain, or pool, as a parent and most likely as a child as well. I am now fortunate enough to not have to buy diapers, or having to use these any longer. In fact my kid is even courteous enough to not pee in the pool as he doesnt want to get his trunks wet??? However, I implore all of you first time parents to invest in some lil swimmers and avoid having to endure the Soggy Bottom Blues, as I can ensure you that your little ones could care less, and with each ounce of water and every step, those diapers only get heavier and sag ever further until there is no more strength left in those little tabs. The next step only leads to a disaster for all to see as your face turns beet red despite the leftover 50 spf that you put on after giving your kid that double coating.

Sharing this little tidbit of knowledge through error of my own also leads me to inform all of you to invest in swim lessons. We just completed the first part of a two part swim class, apppropriately labeled Lil’ Sharks. Of course some things such as probably doing those “mommie and me” style infant swim classes, as well as other things like teaching your kid to catch or ride a bike should be done solely via parent and child. But, things like the fundamentals of tee ball, basic swimming techniques, and other activity’s need to be left to the professionals, i.e. coaches and certified teenagers that are learning the ethics of work. Not only does taking the alternative route of having those in select fields of interest give your child a less stressful and more fun learning environment, it also gives you the parent a break for a half hour, or longer if you’re lucky. The end result being that you will get to enjoy partaking in these activities one on one, or with “eight?”, that much more.

“Yet, when a child enters one’s life, one quite suddenly loses his or her aversion to fecal matters.” Brian Sack, author ITEOMUD

I highly recommend this book to all Fathers first and foremost. Fathers to be, Fathers like me with kids in toddler stages, Fathers that have teenagers, Grandfathers, and so on. I also think that most any other parent or those that are involved with kids in some way or another would enjoy this book. Hell, even people w/o kids would enjoy the way the author tells of his own experiences in relation to some of life’s lessons that he feels his children should try and know of prior to having to struggle through them on their own.

In the Event of My Untimely Demise, Twenty Things My Son Needs to Know, is a memoir comprised of the joys and pitfalls we experience in life. Written by Brian Sack, published about a year ago, is written in the format as advice to his children, should he have an unfortunate accident and leave them too soon. The twenty topics broken down by chapter, are those that Brian feels his children must have his opinion on and range from anything such as how to deal with bully’s, ironically titled “Fight Club”, the dreaded sex talk “We’ll Need to Talk”, all the way onto marriage “On Knots”, and ending with the inevitable, death… “Live to Be Missed”.

Not only does the author have some sound advice on how to deal with life, and be a parent via his experiences to date, his style of writing flows ubiquitously from the pages. He addresses some very serious topics, and is able to make lite of them in a way that takes away any of the stress and worries we have as parents. Even though your opinion and/or views may differ from that of the author’s, you will not be able to do anything but chuckle out loud while reading along as you’re sure to relate to at least one or two of the trials and tribulations that Brian writes about, such as giving his son’s priceless and practical reminiscence on meeting the parents of a significant other, or a boss comparable to Stalin, and some W.O.W. ( or as I like to call em, Words of Wisdom) about Friends, Acquaintances, and People of Convenience.

Oddly enough the author was motivated, for lack of a better term, to write this book by the founder of Gawker.com and I say “oddly enough” because I recently have started following gawker shortly before recently deciding to join the community of webloggers. Speaking of, to get a glimpse of some of Brian Sack’s humor and writing, you can check out his blog banterist in the meantime.

As stated above, this book comes highly recommended to all, even those who aren’t parents. Though I must preface that those of you who are unfortunate enough to not have kids (and probably think vice versa about those of us who have procreated), may have a hard time getting into the book initially. Just do as I do with publishing’s like that…skip the intro/prologues and so on. If you’re into the book, you’ll go back and re-read it anyways. So to everyone out there, go buy this book weather its in a hard copy, paperback, or kindled for all the Fathers in your life.

There’s a time and place for everything, such as when to drink. That time usually happens when I am not playing dad or having a beer or two after he goes to bed. In fact sometimes I feel like he drives me to drink.

Anyways, I’m realizing that kids go in spurts…Growth spurts, learning spurts, and so on. Even when these spurts aren’t quite noticeable, they’re like little sponges soaking up everything they see and hear, hence having to rephrase a standard shut the fuck up to shut the front door.

So about a year ago, I saw my friend’s toddler who is about 4 months older then mine shagging beers for everyone at a party. I knew one day that my own would soon be the life of a party when the season for backyard bbq’s and Sunday night games of pick up baseball came back around. Sure enough the kid was getting quarter tips and keeping everyone fully refreshed. However, it didnt stop there. He realized how much attention he gained from his new found service skill that he was always offering to grab me a beer. But, his funniest attempt to date to make daddy happy was just the other day when at 7:30 am on a day I didn’t have to be in the office till 10, he got himself up and in an effort to raise me from the bed came in with a bottle of freshly kreusined brew. My heart just melted. It was so sincere the way he looked at me and said “time to wake up daddy, i brought you a beer”. Unfortunately it was a work day and I didn’t think Ms. Susan, his daycare supervisor would find it as cute as I did if I dropped him off with that sweet rank of drank on my breath as well as my own boss, so I had to politely say thank you baby, but I cant, so please put it back in the fridge.

Its moments like those that makes every Dad happy. When you know your kid just wants to have candy for breakfast and sit on the couch and watch his favorite dvd for the thousandth time. And when your kid tries to bring you what he knows you like best, or in my case a beer. It’s perceived vices like that, that are what is truly key to making a functional family when the time is right.